How to Love Your Voice
When I was born, I made sounds.
From the moment I took my first breath as a newborn, I used my voice. Like any typical baby coming out of the cozy, comfort zone into the strange new world that would become my new home, I would no doubt have cried.
Was it a polite, petite cry?
Not likely. The first cry of the newborn has been described as “vociferous, shrill, and piercing.” Not at all a pleasant sound, but it sure is a powerful form of communication.
My newborn cry served to call for care, support, and protection. I had no idea as a newborn what my voice could do. With my loud, noisy, and vehement voice, I made my feelings known not only to my parents but to everyone else within earshot.
I quickly learned that a shrill cry could make my mother or others rush towards me to make me comfortable enough to stop crying. I started to get the hang of how to make my face work and could crank out a gummy smile to delight and excite all my family. Very soon after, I discovered I could giggle, which seemed to make people happy too.
Baby Radio Gaga
By around six months of age I had started to babble and make cute little noises, sticking out my tongue and blowing raspberries, combining consonants and vowel sounds like ‘ba-ba" or "ma-ma". I’d hear others talk and say my name, and I responded to my name with "oooos" and "aahhhs”, making cute little squeals and taking turns making sounds with my mother and others.
I learned cooing, gooing and gahing could create an adoring response and get me some attention in my waking hours between sleep and naps.
Do you see what I’m getting at here? Some of the best singers on the planet still use these sounds to gain your attention. We are all hard-wired to pay attention to these sounds.
Baby Talk
Such is the power of the typical infant’s voice. By 12 months I had learned to string longer sounds together and blew my parents' minds when I said my first mum-mum-mum, or da-da-da. I was on my way to learning how to speak, with my mother tongue, English, with an Australian accent no less. It wasn’t long before I could imitate more words. “Mmm, drink, cup, and the infant’s all-time favourite word of defiance - No!”
I wanted to Sing
During my formative years, there were plenty of fun things I could listen to each day. Nursery rhymes, lullabies, records with music and singing, and people singing and talking on the radio and TV. My mother and father were both music lovers and we always had lots of music playing in our house.
The next skill I mastered was singing nursery rhymes and simple songs that I had heard over and over, especially songs on high rotation. ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider’ and Three Blind Mice’.
Then it was time to go to kindergarten and hang out with the other little kiddos in the neighborhood my age. Together we learned more words, more songs and the teacher played the piano and we all sang together using our little high voices. Bliss!
No doubt you can relate to my early voice journey as an infant because it’s so typical. What I went through in my early stages of development, you most likely did just the same. Maybe your mother tongue language was Spanish, Italian, French or Mandarin. Or maybe it was English with a UK or US accent. Regardless of the language or accent, the stages of verbal development to learn to talk were very similar. That’s how practically all of us learn to use our voice to communicate, to talk and sing. We emerge into speakers and singers as we imitate those around us.
A Big World of Sounds
As a child growing up I would spend hours listening to music, playing old 78-RPM records on an old wind-up gramophone that was laying around the house. The motor must have stopped working because to make the records go around I would spin the turntable with my fingers. I’d have to make sure I turned it just at the right speed to get the music to sound right. These old records consisted of a wide range of musical styles ranging from classics to opera, swing jazz and more. I discovered I had a good memory for learning to sing along with the tunes I heard playing.
However my absolute favourite type of music was radio pop. When I was age 7 I heard The Beatles music for the very first time. I loved the energy, the beat, the guitars, the singing, the harmonies, the words - the whole package!
I really connected to these pop songs in a profound way. Not only did I enjoy singing along to songs on the radio in my personal playtime. I would be the singer, the musicians singing the guitar riffs, even the radio DJ talking in between the songs. I was finding my voice.
What gets your music brain excited? Where do you find Inspiration? Is someone in your family always singing
The Wrong Kind of Music Lessons
Realizing that I loved music my parents bought me an acoustic guitar when I was around age 7. It was an Echo - probably a cheap guitar because my parents did not have a lot of money. My parents found me a guitar teacher and I started having lessons which I wasn’t thrilled about because it was the piano I loved and wanted to learn - not the guitar.
My first guitar teacher that my parents chose was a talented jazz guitarist in our neighborhood. His way of teaching me was to have me learn to play songs out of a beginner guitar book with songs like Little Brown Jug, and The Campdown Races - a song first published in 1850. I hated learning these boring songs. I preferred to sing pop songs which to me were so much more fun, so after a lot of complaining my parents stopped my guitar lessons.
Too Shy To Sing
Although I loved to sing, I didn’t let my mother or family hear my singing because I had a shyness issue. I was too shy to let anyone hear me sing. At school at age 9 I had a teacher that taught our class group singing. She not only recognized my singing shyness, but also I had a strong singing voice to sing in tune and in time. I recall how I felt so encouraged by this teacher who helped me feel good about my singing voice.
Chicken Singer
At around age 11 years I remember entering myself into a TV talent quest - Junior Bandstand. I planned to sing ‘These Boots Are Made For Walking’ by Nancy Sinatra, or a song called ‘Georgy Girl’ , a huge hit for an Australian band called The Seekers. When I received a letter from organizers with a date and time for me to attend the audition I had still not told my mother about the contest, and because I was still too shy I let that opportunity go.
In my early teen years I would sing in the privacy of my bedroom the songs I heard on the radio and teach myself to play the songs on guitar. I discovered that I could play just about any song I heard by ear without needing to read written music. As I immersed myself into the exciting pop culture of the day my desire grew daily to overcome my shyness and maybe even one day get to sing in a band.
I took singing lessons
It would be years later, in my mid teen years, that I could pay for my own singing lessons from working in a job. I found a private singing teacher in my local newspaper who was located several suburbs away. It took me ages to get there, I had to catch several buses and walk quite a long distance up a steep hill from the bus stop to the teacher’s home.
In my first lesson, officially the very first time that I had sung on my own in front of anyone, my knees were shaking, my voice was trembling, my head was spinning. I was absolutely petrified. But I knew I had to go through with it.
Even though I appreciated this opportunity being able to learn to sing in front of another person, she was the wrong singing teacher for me. I wanted to sing my own style of songs that I liked.
She was a classical music teacher who was unable to connect with me and my goals to learn to be a confident pop singer.
This was long before Spotify, Youtube videos and karaoke tracks on ipods or cassettes, and the only way a singer could work on a song would be either a’capella (voice without accompaniment), accompany themselves by playing on guitar or piano, or the singing teacher would play the song on a piano by reading the written music which the singing student would bring in.
Mismatched Singing Lessons
When it came to working on any of the pop music songs that I wanted to learn, this singing teacher was completely out of her depth. She not only knew none of the songs, but when she played the songs from the sheet music she would demonstrate the lead melody in an operatic singing tone that was totally unsuited to the pop style. And because I had zero desire to learn classical singing, I quit lessons with her.
My next singing teacher was an even longer bus commute away in the heart of the city of Sydney, Australia. Unfortunately he had the same classical music approach. I was learning the hard way that pop singing teachers were hard to find in the 1970’s. So, yet again this was another failed experience with another mis-matched music teacher so again I quit. However, I continued my mission of looking for the right singing teacher to help me come out of my shy shell.
I was not going to let a bad fit keep me from what I wanted.
I finally found an exuberant male singing teacher who was an even longer commute for me on the other side of town, who loved pop, broadway, jazz and musical theater. Lesson after lesson with his encouragement and pop focus my confident singing voice emerged, I finally came out of my shy singers shell and at last found I could sing without falling apart with nervousness. Yay!
A Big Lesson Learned
The big take away lesson for me is that it's absolutely essential for the teacher to be a good match for the student. Voice coaches need to align with the student’s desires, preferences and learning style, and work on material that the student enjoys. Only then will the student be motivated to have the commitment and diligence to put in the effort required to master singing and speaking.
Now that I’m a professional musician and voice coach I tell my students that I can understand how shyness can
hold you captive from using your voice confidently. I’m living proof that you can break free from shyness and shine.
I auditioned for shows
Finally having gained enough confidence and courage to actually go out and try to be a singer, now it was time to go find myself a band to sing with. And that meant auditioning.
With each audition I became more confident to just straight up sing. I was learning how to use my voice like a pro.
Looking back however, rather than being fully prepared knowing the material and about the role I was going for, I was winging it in my auditions. Because that valuable audition preparation training was absent from my singing lessons, I was missing important skills beyond just being a confident singer and having a good voice.
It’s Not Only About Performing
There are also major organizational factors to consider including how far to travel to get to rehearsals, how many rehearsals will be required, how excited you are about the material, and who is in charge of the group and who gets to have a say in the decisions.
Because I’d learned my lesson from working with mismatched singing teachers I was not planning to work with mismatched musicians - or so I thought. But you never know till you actually meet face to face, or actually find yourself in a band or role that ends up not being the best fit afterall.
And that’s why audition training is part of my coaching curriculum. I want to give you everything you need to sing like a pro, to ace every audition including preparation, strategy, communication, breathing to calm the nerves, and of course performance techniques, which I wish I had received in my voice lessons.
I performed in shows
One of the bands I performed in required singing, choreography and costume changes which I enjoyed. We rehearsed for months before we finally started performing in some big clubs in my home state. Yet, even with big stages and big opportunities, after a while it wasn’t exciting or challenging so I quit the band.
Singing and performing in shows is exciting but it does take a lot of work with long days and long nights, rehearsals, travel, set up, sound checks, doing your part in the show right, packing up, driving back home tired. It can be gruelling especially on top of the other things in life - school, work, relationships. Venues and audience sizes are variable and so is the money you get from all the effort you put in. It’s really got to be worthwhile in the end, otherwise why do it? Check out our tips on what to take to a gig.
The Revolving Door
Replacing band members who leave is a hassle. And I did feel bad for letting the band down, yet you have to be true to yourself and accept the reality that turnover happens all the time at every level and in every field. And it’s all part of the game, and so I put aside any guilt or shame and continued to search to find my sweet spot for singing and performing.
Developing your own preferences for what musical genres and styles you like that suit your abilities
is a thrilling part of the journey. Be yourself and find what inspires you and your audience.
Building a Setlist
Here in Nashville where I’ve been performing and coaching for over a decade, singers are advised to have several sets ready to perform at any time to showcase their talent including: a 1-song set; a 3-song set; a 5-song set, a 30-minute set; a 60-minute set and a 90-minute set (2 x 45-minute sets).
Once you gather a repertoire of songs that you believe will work for your audiences, placing the songs in the best order is a valuable skill worth developing. Crafting an effective setlist will help maintain maximum audience engagement and avoid any moments of boredom. Themed set lists are also a great idea for holidays.
Themed Sets
At one of my own recent gigs I performed as a duo with my husband, who played bass, while I sang and played ukulele. It was Hawaiian Island themed and we were hired to perform for a 90 minute set. As a side note, 10 days before the gig I came down with a bad virus and totally lost my voice even up to the day of the gig. Read about recovery and voice care in the changing seasons.
Finding a niche that works for you, could be a way to find new shows to play.
The first step in creating the set list was to make sure we had plenty of great material that matched the theme and the audience type. During our rehearsals, our setlist evolved to create our show. For setlists, it’s important to know your numbers - starting with each song’s key signature and the tempo. It’s both an art and a science to ensure the tempos and rhythms are varied so the slower songs are mingled with the faster songs. When the audiences sing along and give enthusiastic applause and compliments, you know you’ve done a great job with the setlist and the show.
Long and Longer Sets
Of course if you are a singer working lower Broadway Honky Tonk bars in Nashville or a cruise ship performer on the high seas, you may be expected to sing for 4 hours straight! And to sustain that level of voice use you’ll definitely need to have a voice care action plan and regimen. And your setlist will likely include all the latest and greatest hits - unless you play at an oldie timey venue like the famous Robert’s Western World on Nashville’s Lower Broadway where the only songs played are classic country songs. Research your audience and find out what they want to hear.
I worked my voice too hard
Along the way I overused my voice, especially as a voice coach teaching for 5-8 hours every day. There was one big well-paid corporate gig where I was hired as a soloist musician and singer to perform three 8-hour Saturday shows from 10am to 6pm. Even though the pay was good, the long hours with me using my voice without backup would be a definite voice overuse risk. Which it turned out to be.
Even though I successfully negotiated to have a 15-minute break each hour, and an hour long break halfway through the day for lunch (read ‘What’s the best food to eat before singing or speaking’), my voice was weak and worn out by the end of each of my shows. And of course, the audience wanted to come up and chat with me afterwards. Fortunately, I had some voice restoration techniques including cooldowns and voice repair exercises up my sleeve. After I gave my voice the required rest for the next few days my voice thankfully regained its strength to allow me to continue my voice coaching.
I also worked my voice too hard more often than I should have. Working in a music recording and production studio as a jingle writer I had to speak, sing, record, direct, and coach hired singers which required me to use my voice in many different ways singing in the voices of different characters. Warm ups and cool downs are essential to keep your voice in tip top condition.
Unlike a musical instrument, your voice is vulnerable to damage from misuse, overuse, and abuse. Voice fatigue and overuse is something teachers, coaches, telemarketers, and singers can all relate to. Musicians can play for extended periods, however, professional singers performing their daily 4-hour sets soon become fully aware of their voice’s time limits for stamina. Learning breathing techniques to help protect the voice really helps avoid voice fatigue. And keeping to shorter practice sessions is also helpful.
Lesson learned:
It’s easy to misuse, overuse and abuse your voice, and it can destroy a singing career if you’re not careful. Voice health and safety is an absolute must for singers who want to sustain a long career using their voice. Even practical lessons like how to best clear your throat. That’s why I always include this training as part of Voice Foundations in my voice coaching curriculum.
I went to better teachers
When the student is ready the teacher will appear.
I was already working as a professional singer and voice coach when I received my own high-level voice and performance training. That was a game changer and completely revolutionised my technique for how I sing and how I coach others to sing. I’m happy to share and pass on the amazing strategies and techniques which helped me be a better singer to my voice students. Preparation, Posture, Breath Control, Voice Health and Safety, Power Voice, Dynamics, Articulation, Phrasing, Rhythm and Groove and more.
Lesson Learned:
Better voice teachers help you use your voice better. I’m so grateful that I was open and ready for when the master teachers appeared to teach me. Lifelong learning has helped me move to the next level and overcome the plateaus that sometimes seem endless.
I went out to Karaoke
I’ve sung karaoke at small karaoke parties with a karaoke machine at friends houses, dive bar karaoke, private karaoke party rooms, large, rowdy karaoke venues, live band karaoke, and live piano bar karaoke. There’s nothing quite like karaoke. Here is a brief history of Karaoke if you’re interested in diving deeper.
Not only is it fun, informal, and social, I’ve found it’s also a fantastic way to improve my confidence and presentation each time I do it. Some people look down at Karaoke as if it’s inferior. However my own karaoke experiences have always given me valuable lessons, whether singing with a backing track or with live musicians. Singing with backing tracks have their own challenges including making sure the song is in the right key for a singer’s range.
Whichever karaoke venue I’m singing at, there’s always that inevitable burst of adrenaline once my name is called and I head for the mic. The intro starts and BAM! I’m on a 3-minute wild ride as I remember the groove and timing, the melody and the words while at the same time of course trying to look like a natural karaoke superstar. :)
Mostly it all gets down to the song choice.
So often I’ve seen good singers choose songs that are not great for karaoke and the crowd response is like Meh! Other times I’ve seen singers with not the best voices sing a fantastic song which gets the entire room singing along and everyone loving it. Such is the art of Karaoke. Check out our article on best Karaoke Songs
Lesson Learned:
With Karaoke it is all about the song choice. There are some songs that can totally bomb in karaoke while others are absolute crowd-pleasers. For best results choose the latter. I love working with my students to identify the best karaoke songs that work for their skill level.
I continued learning ABOUT TEACHING
My passion for learning as ignited my passion for teaching. I studied and learned how to teach and create effective curricula, lesson plans and engaging lessons for singers and speakers of all ages and stages. And teaching practical ways to better use and protect the voice has led me to expand my coaching beyond singing to confident performing and accompanying on ukulele and guitar. As a once-shy singer I love helping shy singers and speakers find their confident voice. My students are all ages and all stages, from raw beginners to hobbyists to touring musicians. Some students want voice lessons to be able to sing the National Anthem, go carolling or singing harmony with confidence. Others want to be better performing at Karaoke, others want to sing a song at a friend’s wedding, or sing backing vocals while playing lead guitar in a touring show. Read more about carolling and winter group singing traditions here.
I EXPANDED MY TEACHING
As I started coaching singers who had an accent it was a natural extension of my interest in voice production that led me to learn all about Accent Reduction for both speakers and singers. Often my Accent Reduction students work in high-level corporate positions where clarity and confidence are vital in their business communications. Coaching Accent Reduction is in itself interesting because I have an Australian Accent. But here’s the thing about accents. Everyone has one, even if they think they don’t. Australian accents are immensely popular in the USA I’ve learned. Yet, some accents can be obstacles to an individual and get in the way of their communication effectiveness.
My Speaking and Accent Reduction students come from nations across the world including China, the Philippines, Nepal, Iran, the UK, Brazil, Mozambique, Russia, and speakers born in the USA. They enjoy taking their tongue to the gym to make the words sound more how they want.
With each student, I continue to learn how our voice production mechanisms and habits impact how languages and accents are formed and neutralized. The results can be dramatic according to students:
Absolutely great lessons! Loved it. Zelda is super easy to work with, very knowledgeable, kind, and fun. My only regret is that I did not start working with Zelda a lot sooner, I would have lost my Russian accent by now. Viktoria - Russian Accent Reduction
I've been with Ms. Zelda for a while, and I adore every second of it. She is a fantastic speaking and accent-reduction coach. She teaches me so much, and I discover abilities I had no idea I possessed. James -Vietnamese Accent Reduction
Lessons Learned:
Singer's and speakers' voices use exactly the same mechanisms to produce sound. Improvements can easily be made by identifying, isolating, and retraining the voice apparatus and replacing old redundant voice habits with brand new effective ones. And it can be fun.
The best way to learn is to teach
The best learners are teachers, and the best teachers are learners. In my long journey as a shy singer turned professional and then as a voice coach, I continue to learn and grow with every lesson I take and give.
My students are constantly teaching me as I teach them. They constantly bring me new songs they want to learn to sing. And I love to have my students become teachers even from their very first lesson. I give them home practice activities, they use the singing workouts that I’ve recorded and as they learn new skills they then teach what they learned in our lessons to others.
When they do that they can see that the training has stuck. With every breakthrough it’s not only the teacher who is delighted, but also the student gets a wonderful burst of motivation to keep stretching and reaching for greater levels of ability to close the skill gaps in singing and speaking.
Lessons Learned:
I’m a lifelong learner and a teacher all at the same time. My students teach me to be a better coach and to expand my song appreciation. The more I learn the more value I can share with others. I love learning every day how to love my voice.
The Perfection Trap
Teaching others made me increasingly aware of the impossible standards many singers hold themselves to. Students would express frustration that their performances weren’t as flawless as their favorite recordings, not realizing that the vocals on their favorite album were heavily edited. It became clear that lessons needed to include basic information about autotune and editing, even if a student never planned to set foot in a recording studio.
I can still get into the trap of trying to sing as well as my favorite pop star. A while back, I performed Katy Perry’s “Firework” at a gig. Swept up in the moment and wanting to put on a great vocal performance for my audience, I went for the peak note in chorus three… and heard my voice crack as I tried to execute the money note. It was a painful reminder that it’s virtually impossible to execute a “record-like” performance in a live show.
CONCLUSION
I hope my story has given you some hope so you can love your voice. It doesn’t matter if you sing or speak publicly for a living, or as a hobby. Being able to control your voice and to make your voice do what you want it to do is a skill that has many benefits.
For those of us who want to use our voice to the best of our ability, having voice training is a worthwhile investment of time, effort and money.
Why do most people not like the sound of their voice? 58% of respondents said they don't like listening to their own voice according to a 2023 survey by Harvard teaching hospital Mass Eye and Ear. The survey also found that 39% of respondents find the sound of their voices troubling in normal conversation.
Speaking or singing in public can be scary at first. Even the most famous singers and speakers have learned to overcome their fear of speaking or singing in front of others. Maybe it’s been your goal or a new year resolution each year to take voice lessons. I get it because I’ve been there too.
At the end of the day, great singing or speaking isn’t about having the world’s greatest voice - rather it’s about being able to first overcome the nervousness that gets in the way and then to control your voice well to make it do what you want.
With enough commitment and dedication to work through the process of becoming confident with your voice you can learn to sing and speak with poise and self assurance - just like the greats have done. And with the right practice strategy you’ll soon find your voice
Start Loving Your Voice Today
If you want to take your singing and speaking skills to the next level, set up a lesson with me at Love Your Voice. Having the opportunity to sing or speak in front of one trusted person can help you feel supported while developing your skills.
I’m here to help you love your voice!
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