Why Listening to Your Voice Makes You Cringe
Nothing induces involuntary cringing quite like hearing your voice played back at you. Despite this, recording yourself (and listening back) is one of the best tools a vocalist can use to improve their singing and an essential skill for professionals. So how do you get past the reflexive cringe when you hear yourself recorded? And why is it so dang uncomfortable in the first place?
You Don’t Sound Bad, You Just Don’t Sound Like You Expect
What was your first reaction to hearing your voice played back to you? Discomfort? Disappointment? Surprise? Like so many singers, maybe you heard yourself and thought you sounded “bad.”
It’s extremely common - even expected - to have a negative reaction to hearing your voice played back to you, but it’s not because you sound “bad” or have a “bad” voice. What you’re actually reacting to is the unexpected mismatch between your expectation and reality, not the quality of your singing. Imagine taking a sip of what you thought was grape juice only to discover it’s wine. It doesn’t matter how well-aged and expensive the wine is; your initial reaction is most likely one of disgust.
So why does your voice sound so jarringly different on recordings? You can thank the magic of psychoacoustics for this cringe-inducing experience. When you speak or sing, you’re not hearing your voice as others hear it after it’s traveled through the air and reflected off the surfaces of the space you’re in. Instead, you’re hearing your voice conducted by the bones of your skull directly to your inner ear with a little bit of the reflections from the room mixed in. Your brain largely filters out the sound of your voice reflecting back to you while you’re speaking. This is an incredible feat that our brains pull off all the time without us ever realizing it, but it does lead to some shocking and uncomfortable moments when we finally hear our voices as others do.
It’s completely natural to have an initial, visceral reaction to this disconnect between expectation and reality. Our voices are incredibly personal; it can feel like discovering that everyone else knows more about something deeply intimate about you than you do yourself. Remember that, it’s not that others know more about you than you do, they simply have a different perspective.
Getting Past the Cringe Is Worth It
When listening to recordings of yourself can be so intensely uncomfortable, intentionally playing your voice back to yourself might sound like pure masochism but there’s a good reason to work past the cringe. If you dream of becoming a recording artist, getting used to the sound of your voice is unavoidable. If you plan to perform live, you’ll need to get used to hearing your voice projected back to you through monitors; trying to sing with a live band and no way to hear yourself is like flying blind. But even if you never plan to set foot in a recording studio or on a stage, recording and listening to yourself is one of the best tools modern singers have to improve their musicianship.
Unlike a cellist, guitarist, or pretty much any other instrumentalist, vocalists never get to truly hear their instrument as it sounds in the room. Very skilled vocalists might be able to sing on muscle memory alone, but only if they know what sounds that muscle memory actually produces. Although speakers and microphones will color the sound slightly, recordings of your voice are as close as you can get to hearing yourself the way others do. If your goal is to improve your singing skills, this fresh perspective will allow you to hear parts of your voice that shine and identify what could be improved that you may have never noticed otherwise.
If you’re working with a vocal coach, recording your lessons has multiple benefits. First, you can practice along with the recording in between lessons. Singing along with the exercises and warmups you work on during your lesson is a great practice aid if you don’t want to accompany yourself on guitar or piano. Secondly, it’s a chance to hear your voice as your teacher does which can give you insight into the corrections they’re asking you to make. Musical performances are inherently ephemeral; without recording yourself, there’s no way to go back and hear the mistake you made or phrase that you nailed. Listening to our mess-ups can be uncomfortable, but it gives us a deeper understanding of what exactly is or isn’t working.
Listening to your voice isn’t just useful for spotting things you want to improve; it’s a great way to boost your confidence by hearing your instrument's wonderful, unique qualities. Recording yourself also allows you to build a record of your progress. Without something to compare to, it can be difficult to hear the improvements you’ve made while on your singing journey. You still might cringe listening to your first recording, but you’ll hopefully feel a surge of pride when you compare it to your most recent take in a couple of months or years.
How to Overcome the Cringe
Unfortunately, there’s no magical quick fix for the uncomfortable feelings that hearing your voice elicits. Learning to listen to yourself takes practice. Similar to the exposure therapy some people undergo to treat fears and phobias, repeated exposure is the best (and, frankly, only) way to get used to the sound of your own voice. Practice singing both recorded and unrecorded in a variety of spaces and scenarios: echoey bathrooms, muffled closets, or outdoors, alone or with others. Sing a cappella, with a karaoke track, into a microphone and amplifier, with over-ear headphones, with earbuds - as many different scenarios as you can think of. The more varied your experiences, the deeper your understanding of how your voice sounds.
Patience and empathy for yourself are essential throughout this process. It’s easy to fall into negative self-talk about how “good” or “bad” your singing is, even knowing that you’re reacting to subverted expectations rather than the quality of your voice. The first step is learning to identify and tune out the voice that tells you your singing isn’t good or that your performance is irredeemably awful, a.k.a.: your inner bully/inner audience -posing-as-critic.
A helpful technique Zelda uses in her voice coaching sessions is to have a little friendly chat with that inner bully/critic / inner audience. Let them know that it’s likely to be quite uncomfortable in the early stages of getting to know your voice and practicing listening to hear how your voice sounds out of your head. Tell your inner audience to go relax in another room, put their feet up and read a magazine while you have fun playing and experimenting. Be assertive and tell them you’ll let them know when you’re ready for their feedback and critique. Don’t be surprised if your inner audience tries to interrupt you with feedback whenever you are less than perfect. Stay firm and tell them, “I didn’t call you yet for your feedback, so just keep relaxing in the next room.” You might not be able to completely stop intrusive negative thoughts from popping into your head but you can change how you respond to them.
Another technique is to pretend you’re listening to a recording of a close friend or family member rather than yourself. We’re often willing to say hurtful things to ourselves that we’d never dream of saying to someone we care about. What would you say to a loved one who’s looking to improve their singing? Would you tell them they’re terrible or would you build them up and give them pointers on how they can get better?
If you’re struggling to talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend, it’s time to bring in reinforcements: have a trusted friend or vocal coach listen to your recording and tell you what they like about your singing. If you can’t handle being in the room while they’re listening, that’s OK. Listen back to your recording either with them or on your own after they’ve given you their critique with their positive feedback in mind. Try to hear yourself as they hear you. For example, if they said they love how your low notes sound, pay attention to how your voice sounds in your lower register and what qualities they found appealing.
Using Your New Tool
Once you’re able to listen to yourself and find positives about your voice, it’s time to practice using the constructive-criticism-sandwich technique. The constructive-criticism-sandwich combines an actionable critique with two compliments. The critique should start and end with these compliments. For example, your sandwich might sound like this: “I sounded really good on that high note in the bridge. I can hear that I struggled with the long note in the chorus; I should work on improving my breath support. My dynamics in the pre-chorus were very expressive.” The key to this is that you use an actionable critique, meaning something you can do something about - i.e.: not just “I sound terrible.” Focus on skills you can improve like pitch accuracy, diction, tone, or breath support.
Start with the basics, like improving your pitch accuracy (i.e.: being able to land on the target note on your first try). Recordings are a great way to target intermediate skills such as tone and transitioning between your head and chest voice, and even more advanced techniques like melismas and melodic embellishments. Start small and work towards more complex skills; if you’re still working on your pitch accuracy, trying to add complex melodic embellishments won’t be a productive use of your time.
If you can’t find compliments for your constructive-criticism-sandwich, it’s time to take a step back. You might still be listening to your inner bully-posing-as-critic rather than keeping a detached, empathetic perspective.
Improving Your Tools
You don’t need a whole professional studio to start recording yourself, but upgrading your gear beyond your earbuds or built-in phone mic can make a big difference. A quality microphone will allow you to capture a clearer recording of your voice and use more advanced recording software like GarageBand, Logic, or Ableton to experiment with effects like EQ and reverb.
Mics that connect directly to your computer via USB are a great entry-level tool, but a more sophisticated setup that uses an interface will allow you to create more professional recordings as your skills increase. (Pro tip: put reverb on your input monitoring while you’re recording your vocal; it makes it easier to listen to yourself.) Software like GarageBand or Logic is not only useful for getting a clear recording of your voice, but it also allows you to create instrumental tracks with drums and software instruments to practice and hear your voice “in situ.”
A microphone and a small PA system are another set of tools you might consider investing in. Hearing your voice amplified can have a similar impact to hearing your voice recorded and is just as necessary to get accustomed to as listening to recordings of yourself. Your PA and mic will also be useful tools for live performance as you continue your singing journey.
Book a Lesson and Learn to Love Listening to Your Voice
Getting comfortable hearing your own voice is a journey - and not a short one - but it’s worth it. If you need support while learning to listen to yourself, a voice teacher is the best resource you can turn to. Reach out to schedule a lesson and start building your vocal support system. No matter where you are on your singing or listening journey remember to Love Your Voice.
Mention this article for a 20% discount on your first lesson.