Breaking The Psych-Out Cycle
For many of us, a traumatic experience when we’re younger can grow into a lifelong phobia. For example, you might develop a fear of dogs after a childhood dog bite. Sometimes the negative experience is more subtle but just as impactful. Maybe you received a harsh critique from a teacher, or an unkind comment from a trusted adult, or cruel laughter from a peer, and internalized it; years or decades later, that internalized negative experience has (often wrongly) shaped your understanding of the world - and yourself.
The belief that you can’t sing is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The physical tension and shortness of breath that come with anxiety can make singing almost impossible. In this article, we’re breaking down the Psych-Out Cycle to help you start loving your voice.
Why Do People Lose Confidence?
As mentioned in the introduction, many current voice students have stories of confidence-shattering moments that kept them from pursuing their passion for singing. Maybe a teacher or parent told them they couldn’t sing, or a sibling or peer said their voice was bad or annoying. Zelda had a student share that their own mother told them, “You can’t sing, so don’t even try.” These comments are even more impactful when they come from someone who’s meant to be an authority on singing. Another adult student stopped singing as a child after a music teacher told her, “You shouldn’t sing, just mime.”
Just one of these comments is enough to silence many young singers, but not every unconfident singer has a singular traumatic moment they can point to. Now an instructor and professional musician, Zelda had her own struggles with confidence:
“When I was alone with no one in earshot, I’d be confidently singing along to all the pop songs I heard on the radio. And not just the melody and words of what the singer was singing - I'd be singing all the instrument parts as well and trying to sound like an electric guitar or trumpet to match the song. But when it came to singing in front of others, with others listening to me and looking at me, it was totally a freak-out to me.
“Yet no one told me I was a bad singer; I just lacked the inner self-confidence and self-assurance. Even though I knew I could sing well, my voice was just locked away from public view. It took me into my mid-teens to actually do something about it, so I could let myself sing in front of others. In my teens, I had a desire to join a band and be the singer, but until I could face others while I sang, that was never going to happen.”
Are There People Who Can’t or Shouldn’t Sing?
If you’ve ever been told that you can’t or shouldn’t sing, especially by a teacher, you may have just accepted it as a fact. But are there people who can’t sing?
The short answer is: Not in our experience.
The longer answer: “Bad” singers are just vocalists who haven’t developed their singing skills or confidence yet.
Singing requires learning multiple skills, from breath support to tone control to vocal flexibility. Some people pick them up more easily than others, just like some people are naturally inclined towards mathematics, cooking, or learning languages. Like math, cooking, and language, you don’t need to be a prodigy or have some innate talent to learn to sing; you just need the right teacher and a desire to learn.
Even pitch accuracy is a skill that can be learned. While many students will tell Zelda that they’re tone deaf, not a single one has been unable to improve their pitch. Actual tone deafness is vanishingly rare, so much so that it’s considered a disorder: amusia. While amusia is relatively common following brain damage, congenital amusia only affects 1.5% of the population. Unless you’ve experienced a stroke or traumatic brain injury, it’s highly unlikely that you’re tone deaf.
“[S]ome students have scored as low as 20% pitch accuracy, meaning they miss the target note eight out of ten times,” explains Zelda. “To address a skill gap to sing with pitch accuracy, the learner needs to focus solely on ear training to learn to sing in tune before they focus on the other singing and stylistic skills. For such singers with pitch accuracy skill gaps, I’ve helped them improve from 20% pitch accuracy to 80% pitch accuracy in six months of weekly and bi-weekly training sessions.”
One of the more common negative comments learners get is that their voice is “bad,” “annoying,” or otherwise unpleasant. Like pitch accuracy, tone or vocal quality is also a skill that can be trained.
Your range can also be expanded with training and practice, but even singers with a well-developed vocal range can sound “bad” if they’re singing in the wrong key. Choosing a key that is too high or too low is one of the most common mistakes new singers make - and one that non-singers often mistake for poor pitch accuracy or an unpleasant vocal tone. Learning to pick a key that suits your vocal range is key (pun fully intended) to letting your singing skills shine.
One thing we want to make clear: you are never too old to learn these skills. There is no expiration date on learning to sing in tune or expanding your range.
“I have had several students come to me in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and 60s who said they desperately wanted to learn how to sing with confidence and finally took the big step to get singing lessons,” shares Zelda. All of them were able to improve their singing.
The Psych-Out Cycle
When you internalize a harsh critique like someone telling you not to sing, it isn’t a lack of skill that keeps you from pursuing your singing goals; it’s the anxiety and fear around sharing your voice with others that stops you in your tracks. Taking voice lessons and building your vocal skills can address the skill gaps, but you also need to address the mental and emotional block that’s keeping you from singing.
Even highly skilled singers can struggle to perform when fear takes over. Nervousness isn’t all in your head; it’s a full-body experience. You might tremble or shake, your breath becomes rapid and shallow, and your mind goes blank. As Zelda says, “Tension is the enemy of a good voice.” None of these symptoms is conducive to singing or speaking.
If you can’t get a deep breath in, you won’t have the breath support to sing clearly and in tune. Trembling or tense muscles are hard to control, making it difficult to coordinate the tiny muscles involved in producing sound. Blanking out can make keeping track of lyrics, notes, and all the moving parts involved in singing virtually impossible.
If you’re already in your head about being a bad singer, a poor performance due to nerves can feel like confirmation that you can’t sing. As your anxiety deepens, your inability to sing becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: the Psych-Out Cycle.
Breaking the Cycle
So how do you get past the Psych-Out Cycle? While therapy and hypnosis can be great tools, most people don’t need them to work through their performance anxiety. Working with a good voice teacher is usually all you need to tackle your stage fright.
Anxiety around singing or speaking in front of others is incredibly common. Between 73% and 77% of the population deals with some kind of stage fright. A voice student who doesn’t struggle with some degree of performance anxiety, regardless of their skill level or natural ability, is a rarity. Great voice teachers will teach practical techniques for reducing tension alongside vocal technique.
Your voice teacher is also a safe person to practice singing in front of, almost like a form of exposure therapy. This can be especially helpful if your anxiety is rooted in a negative comment from a teacher or parent. Having an empathetic listener who can give you non-judgmental, actionable feedback can be life-changing. With repeated lessons, you’ll not only get more comfortable singing in front of your teacher, but you’ll also see improvement in your singing ability, bolstering your confidence.
One of the best ways to reduce performance anxiety is preparation. Many fears boil down to a fear of the unknown; the more you know about a situation, the less mysterious - and therefore scary - it seems. For singing, this means practicing not just your song but basic vocal technique. It also means rehearsing your performance in its entirety: entrances, stage movements, mic techniques, the whole shebang.
Zelda has seen firsthand how a lack of rehearsal can lead to anxiety:
“One of my singing students who was an experienced stage performer told me about a time when they were to perform a song on stage with a live band who just happened to be a band of not only accomplished musicians, but also top session musicians. It was an important gig, the room was full of the right ‘industry people’ who could sign up a talented singer or performer.
“But there was a problem. This singer never actually rehearsed the song with this live band. The musicians in the band, who were very experienced and capable of coming up with their own ‘feel, groove and arrangement’ of songs, started playing an intro, a groove and feel which was totally unexpected for the singer. The singer felt lost in the song, mind racing, head spinning, not knowing where to come in and start singing, and the singing performance just fell apart from the first note of the song and never recovered.
“The singing student recalled ‘I felt like I had ‘died’ on stage, and I couldn’t do anything about it, but plough ahead and get the thing over with as quickly as possible to get off stage, knowing full well the performance had totally bombed and so did any career or life-changing offers from the industry.’ It was so embarrassing and painful that the singer was too afraid to sing in public again, which is why they were taking singing lessons with me to get over this stage fright ordeal.”
If the singer had been able to rehearse with the band beforehand, this scenario might have been avoided. When you’re performing with other musicians, it’s always a good idea to rehearse with them as many times as possible before the show.
Confidence comes from competence. Whether you’re giving a speech, performing in a showcase, or singing at karaoke night, showing up prepared can help stop stage fright before it starts.
Putting It Into Practice
If you’re ready to break the Psych-Out Cycle and face your fears, there are a few exercises you can do at home.
The first step is to relax your body: physically relaxing your body can help quiet your mind. Start by gently shaking your body, like a dog shaking off water. Let the movement move up and down your body, from the top of your head to the tips of your fingers to your toes. Next, roll your shoulders backward, then forward, then backward again, letting them come to rest low and relaxed.
The ragdoll pose (a version of the uttanasana yoga pose) is a great way to relax both your spine and your central nervous system. Standing with your knees hip-width apart, exhale and fold forward at the hips while softly bending your knees. Let your upper body hang heavily and grasp your elbows, breathing normally. While in this pose, sway back and forth and enjoy the movement as you loosen your back and allow your upper body to swing gently. When you’re ready, inhale and return to standing.
Deep breathing can also be a powerful tool. We have a whole article and instructional video on how to use deep breathing to beat stage fright that you can read here.
Once you’re body is relaxed, it’s time to do a gentle voice warmup. Whether you’re singing, speaking, teaching, or preaching, warming up can help you perform more comfortably and confidently. Start by taking a few long, slow breaths into your belly. It can help to put one hand on your chest to make sure your shoulders and chest don’t rise when you inhale. Next, make gentle chewing motions to relax the muscles in your face, jaw, and neck.
Now it’s time to make some noise. Start with gentle hums, then move to sighs and yawns. Next, drop your jaw and glide from your lowest note to your highest note. These sounds aren’t meant to be pretty or perfect. It’s not uncommon for students to initially feel embarrassed, but getting comfortable sounding “silly” can go a long way towards building their confidence using their voice in front of others.
Ready to Love Your Voice?
If you’ve always wanted to sing but have been told by others that you can’t, get a professional opinion from a voice teacher. Great teachers like Zelda will start by measuring your voice (range, pitch accuracy, tone, and more) to identify any strengths or skill gaps to help you get the most out of your lessons. Measuring your voice also gives you quantitative ways to track your improvement.
It’s also important to remember that there’s no such thing as a perfect voice. Your favorite vocalist’s voice is recognizable because of the distinctive tones and stylistic techniques that are unique to them. The differences that make your voice stand out are no less beautiful. And singing isn’t a skill that we can “max out;” we’re all lifelong learners on our own singing journeys, no matter how much experience we have.
If you’ve locked away your singing voice and are looking for an empathetic teacher to help unlock it, reach out to Zelda. During your free 30-minute discovery call, she’ll measure your voice to help you get a better, non-judgmental understanding of your voice - both where it shines and where you can grow. And always remember to love your voice.